Spent, Spending, and Will Spend

Spent, spending, and will Spend” automatically makes you think of money in your hands to do whatever you need to do with it or whatever you wish with it. There is another kind of spending that escapes us everyday. It is very much different from money that we can work for and at the end of the pay period accumulate more of it. Money is something we can gain and spend over and over, time and time again. What is something we can spend, but never get it back? It is invisible to our senses, yet we spend it everyday none stop.

I had a dream to wake me up early this morning with a great sadness in my heart. In the dream I was holding my little boy in my left arm with his legs dangling by my side. He was busy eating some food with still some fragments in his tiny hand. In his tiny nostrils his nose was showing signs of infection, needed to be blown and cleaned. I reached into my back pocket for a handkerchief. I raised it to his nose and he allowed me to clean his nostrils.

I awoke after this completely awake and wishing for no more dreams like this one for the sadness that covers my whole system. I know I will be fighting this dream for the rest of my day. I love my son and my daughter that God gave me with all my heart. When I see my son or daughter whether by photographs, video, or mentally it brings tears to my heart and soul. I am now just starting to understand what my parents went through at this stage in life. Those little children I could pour my love upon when ever I wanted to with hugs, kisses, tickling, chasing, and being there for their scrapes are no longer. They are not dead just gone their own way in life, which no longer needs the love I would pour upon them in a different way. Now, they only need what little financial support I can offer them.

Spent, Spending, and Will Spend” is a revelation of the past, the present, and the future. This was a morning as though I had woke up on a mountain top with the view of all the unmarked paths and narrow trails of life that I had taken from childhood progressing through each stage of growing older to the present moment. The memories of my past came to me as a time that was spent that could never be taken back. The present time is speeding by me being spent before my very eyes without stopping. The future will be spending without any controlling on my part as long as I have life in my body.

“Spent” is not the money we have used, but the choices of our past. I spent myself as a young child, young adult, and adult on the choices I made with the relatives, family, neighborhood, and school. The things I spent myself on whether good or bad can never be taken back for exchange for something else. The physical and mental memories cannot be changed. It is gone completely. Some things I spent myself on hurt myself and/or others. All of us have “Spent” the most valuable irreplaceable gift we possess and that is time given to be here on earth. I could not see this vision of truth when I was a young person because time means nothing to me. I acted as though I had an endless supply of time to spend. As a young adult I “Spent” time on things that mounted to nothing, which is gone and cannot be replaced with things that would have mounted to something. We all have chased dreams well into years realizing it was never meant to be and all that time spent chasing it is gone and cannot be taken back.

Time has a way of moving us into needful areas of life whether occupational or commitment. When this comes along “Spent, spending, and will spend” kicks into high gear. You become so busy with taking care of different kinds of needs the day comes when you realize you are a great deal older than what your mind registers. You physically and mentally enter into a mode of being spent for others on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. People come to rely upon you to spend yourself for them. You become a means to an end. Then you find yourself on top of a mountain of memories looking around asking “where did time go?“. This kind of thinking comes at different times in life. Some people calls it “mid-life crisis”. The time in life that it comes to you can vary, but none the less the wake up call is still very sobering when it is our seconds that are being spent. We started out as babies as our parents were once upon a time, children as our parents were once upon a time, teenagers, young adults, become parents ourselves, middle-aged, and senior citizens. We all are spending our physical and metal existence daily that cannot be stopped as long as we live on this earth.

Those that have been in combat, life and death situations, or something traumatic have seen this invisible spending of time. The soldier laying behind whatever cover he can find as the bullets are flying by sees the slow ticking of seconds being spent to survive the assault.  The person walking along when the heart attack strikes every second that ticks by becomes crucial for their survival. The car accident goes into slow motion with their life flashing before their eyes is the clock of time of how they have spent it. They all came away from it changed. Some things in life that was thought of important before are not as valuable now. Spending those seconds of life focus on the most important things around us the ones we love the most.

I tried to encourage my son to enjoy his senior in high school with no regrets for when it finally arrives everything will become nothing but a memory with no going back. Freedom from high school feels great at the moment, but when you look at how you spent your time could be filled with regrets. I am encouraging my daughter to enjoy everyday as though it was her last day in high school creating good memories before it all enters into the past and can never be repeated.

My wife had an Uncle of whom I grew to love and appreciate. He developed a heart condition. I felt like I needed to video tape our family get together because it may be the last time we see him alive. Unknowingly, it was a short time later he fell over with a heart attack and was gone. I am glad I spent the time carefully recording the laughter, the games, and the family fellowship. I became the family video guy for all occasions. I spent my time recording others having a good time with no regrets because one Christmas was the last Christmas my brother-in-law would have with his wife and 2-year-old son. When the son reached his upper teenage years I put together all the videos of his dad before he was killed in a car accident. We are all under the time spout flowing out the seconds that we live not knowing when the time will come for it to turn off on us. Someone or something will spend your life for you. Take control of your seconds and live them fulfilled as much as possible.

In the movie Saving Private Ryan the last words he spoke at the grave site really leaped out to me when he said, “Everyday I think about what you said to me that day on the bridge; I’ve tried to live my life the best that I could. I hope that it was enough. I hope, that at least in your eyes, I earned what you have done for me.” I have buried my earthly father of whom I love very much and am grateful for the life he taught me how to live. He may not have been able to give me large amounts of money to spend, but he spent his life giving me the example of how to live this life the right way without wasting precious time on meaningless things. Spend yourself in a way that those around you will talk about you for years to come as a person who earned their spot in life worthy of those who sacrificed.

You only have one life to live, live it wisely. Life is too short to go through it bitter and upset. Thank you for reading and have a great day in-spite of what comes your way.

 

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